Experiencing the transition to Spring from Winter here in Maine. I've been working this week at both my day job and my teaching jobs. A little tired but have bills to pay. I worked in my studio on Sunday. I worked on the cover for my book a little and also another painting I'm working on that I hope to finish in the next few months. I got a few good comments on my art website at work. A few people like it especially the brush strokes and the color. I hope to get back to finishing my website soon. There is only so much time, maybe I need to get an assistant or at least hire a college studio to finish my website. So much for the life of a working artist. Till next week, T

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: none

I worked for about two hours this morning in my studio. I started organizing it last night and continued this morning. I'm getting ready to start seeds for my flower and vegetable garden. I cleared off my gardening bench and set up my small containers in preparation. I also started working on the cover for my artist book that I've retitled “Bear in Mind”. I've been using the computer some for this project but I missed the tactile approach to making art and creating with my hands. I also worked some on a plaster clock that I'm making. It was nice to work in my studio and get back into my Sunday morning routine. I listened to James McMurtry – Just Us Kids and Ryan Adams – Heart Breaker during the whole process. It felt good to shut out the world and go into my little world of creation and be creative. Every one needs to have some sort of outlet for creativity and also the time to do it. Even if it's an hour a week. I use the album length to monitor my sessions. Most albums or cds are about an hour. If I only have an hour, then the cd will mark it for me. I know when to start and when to finish. Almost like a deadline but a little more free. Until next time, Tom

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Cassandra Wilson - RIght Here, Right Now

I'm here again on Live Journal for the second time in a week. I hope to go to my studio at some point today. I'm behind on household chores and Sunday is usually my creative day or at least part of the morning. I've been going to Augusta, Maine every day during the week for training on my new job and I've also started teaching adult education classes. Next week is the last week in my training and then it's back to my Orono office for now. I've got a few projects that I really want to finish but I only have limited time in the week. I think of them as plants. I've started growing them and have to give them water at least once a week to keep them alive. Anyway, enough for now, I need more coffee! Tom

Current Location: Home Base
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: Walking in L.A. - Missing Persons

I've been going to Facebook a lot the past month. You can find me over there under my real name Thomas Hudgins. Not much on the creative front. I've done some painting in my spare time the last few weeks. Lately, I've been working six days a week at my new job with overtime. It's good for the wallet. Till next time, see you on Face Book. Tom

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Ruby and Carlos by James McMurtry

I'm still working on my bear related Project. I found this site called Blurb where you can make and publish your own books. I'm putting together a photo book of the images I shot with my camera of the project in process. I wanted to make something that appeals to all people and not just the narrow confines of the queer world. Queer, I maybe but I live in a larger world. I've also posted some entries over on my other blog ruralartblog.com and also have been on the facebook site a few times. I've been getting in touch with some old friends from high school. Anyway, I've got a new full time job and have been working on that more than my project. I also did some painting on New Year's Day and it felt good to paint without having some idea that I was trying to depict or trying to prove a point that the mainstream bear culture seems to miss. Also, I put a new heater in my studio and it was nice and cozy. Till next time, Tom

Current Location: Home Base, Bradford, Maine
Current Music: The Sound of the Computer Fans

I have been away from Blogging for a long time. I was expressing myself through art and working on my website instead of ranting and raving about my existence or identity. I have also been working on getting my Class A Commercial Driver's License to be able to drive Combination Vehicles. Also, I've been getting ready for Winter and driving school/shuttle bus for Cyr Bus in Bangor, Me. I've started working on putting together my imagery for an artist book. I have no deadline for it but during the process of working on my Bear Identity project, I realized that I wanted my work to have a broader appeal artistically than just the narrow aspect of being a Bear. I've also come to the realization that physically, I'm a Bear in the Queer world but in the larger world, I'm a man. This is the premise for my future book. Meanwhile, here is an image of one of my latest paintings. It will be included in the project.

Current Location: Home Base, Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: cheerful

I've been away for awhile like a Bear in the woods and it's time to resurface again with my commentaries on being a rural queer. I've been working in my art studio on many projects and am getting back to the "Working Man" project in a few days. I've been busy making a living and after some thought, I want to take it to a different level creatively and expressively. It's a work in progress now with no set deadline. I did show the paintings at the University of Maine during Pride Week. I was asked to show my work and represent the local gay community as a person from it, not an official representative. It was nice to be back on campus again and speak with younger queers. Here are some pictures of it. I may not get responses to my blog but at least listing my website on Google has opened another door. I still want to illustrate my masters essay about my search for my queer identity. I thought I related to the Bear culture but wanted to be a Queer Man instead. I'm a rural person and not an Urban one. I finally came to terms with the fact that I don't fit with the Bear culture portrayed in Magazines, etc. I'm an odd Bear. Country Bear I am, Urban Bear I'm not. Till we meet again, I'll leave a light on for me and maybe one for you. TC

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Days of The New - Not The Same

I'm back to painting again on an almost every other day schedule and am enjoying the process. After my last post and some thinking, I realized that instead of venting my frustrations on an internet blog, my time would be well suited in the studio trying to finish up the painting aspect of my Working Man project. I'm still looking for work and am getting unemployment and have time to paint. I'm off to the studio once, I finish this post. I'll have some images to post soon. Pleased with the process, Tom.

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: creative

A few months ago, I submitted my masters thesis essay to the White Crane Journal for submission in their Bear themed issue but haven't heard anything from them about it's publication. I went to their website and see some of the famous names (Wright, Mann, Suresha)in the Bear movement made it into the issue. It makes me wonder If my submission was edited out as part of the process or it may have been too long. One of the guys, I emailed about it said he loved it and then I didn't hear anything. Hmm, that reminds me so much of cruising for sex, it's a quick encounter, both love it and then we go on our separate ways. It was a pleasure but was empty of any true meaning. No wonder, I've had trouble identifying with the Bear or Urban Gay culture. It's such a facade of people saying, I love your work, yet, you never hear from them again. We're a community and a family, yet my redneck culture of the south is more of a family to me than some of the queer people are that I've met in my life. I'm not bitter, even if it sounds like it, due to understanding the process of editing but I wonder when some of us out of the fringes of this bear culture will have our voices heard? Is there a generation gap amongst gay men especially Bears and Gen X Bear or Chubs. Then again, I'm an outspoken gay redneck Chubby bear and I guess that doesn't fit in with the circuit going masculine lifestyle urban bears. It makes me want to puke and realize that I love being a man period and enjoy my views and opinions for what they are and what they are not. I learned how to be reflective while studying for my masters degree and I'm glad that I can understand my feelings and emotions without writing some angry post about how the mythologized gay community is a big machine with group dynamics of who is who and who is not. Sounds like High School. Any way, Have a good new year and look for my essay either here or as a part of my Working man project. Don't forget that real bears have claws and know how to use them. Painter Bear Tom

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: I got Stripes - Dale Watson

I just finished digging out from 12-14 inches of fresh snow in the Maine woods. I did a little bit of work on the "Youth" archetype painting yesterday and uploaded some pictures to my computer for the video aspect of it. Here is an image of myself from the studio on the last day of last year. Enjoy, Tom

Current Location: Home Base - Bradford, Maine
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Heart of Stone - Dale Watson